Marriage Question #14 (Monroe Campus) How do you get your husband to value time with the family? And to get him to engage with the kids and me instead of walking on his own when we go places together?
I Peter 3:7 says, “7Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
And Ephesians 5:22-24, ““Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything”
One more… I Timothy 2:11-14 says (and mind you, this one isn’t for the politically correct crowd!), “11Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.”
We have a culture that works overtime to try and convince each new generation that there is little different about men and women—that God made them the same and gave us all the same roles. But that not only ignores what God teaches in His Word, but also defies common sense. The result can also be devastating. If we do not understand the differences than we won’t treat each other right and tension and misunderstanding will only increase.
It may be politically incorrect to say this, but it’s factually correct – Men are hunters. Women are gatherers. Even in a post agricultural and post hunting society, there still remain these fundamental differences between men and women. Understanding how men and women think differently is one of the keys to seeing a turn around in this area. Often situations can be “tweaked” slightly in order to make them family oriented.
Ex. 1 Straight Mall shopping lady style. Many ladies actually enjoy shopping for hours at the mall—not all, but quite a few. Ladies? This is one notch below water-boarding for most men. Given the choice, I’d take the water-boarding! But, at times, it’s necessary. So what can you do? Make it more like a hunt and less like the gathering of a harvest of outfits! Send him off with a quest to find that hard to find item—or, better still, let him get you the sexy stuff and promise him you’ll go with him to hunt for something at Victoria’s Secret!
Ex. 2 My family and I went to Universal studios this past summer and Michelle made it almost a competition to get in the most roller coaster rides and catch all the best thrill rides before the park closed! When even that got to be too much—she and Juliana went off and shopped while Nathan and I raced to get one last ride on Incredible Hulk before the park closed! This made the shopping times more tolerable (even fun) for Nathan and me and the roller coasters fun for Juliana!
Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
The key to getting your spouse to change is to first change yourself and to, second, seek to understand how they “think.”