Remember that old TV commercial for Tootsie roll flavored tootsie pops (that’s a long way of saying ‘Lollypop’)? It was the one that showed a young boy ask different wise characters (finally ending up with the wise old owl) just how many licks it would take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie roll flavored tootsie pop. The gimmick was that the tootsie pops were far too delicious for anyone to have the patience or control to just lick—eventually you’d just bite into it to get to the candy middle. It was silly—but effective.
Lately I’ve been taking that same approach to a far more serious subject—wisdom. Not a single one of us is all knowing—and we all spend our entire lives learning but never arriving at the place of compete knowledge and all knowing wisdom—that’s reserved for God alone.
Nevertheless, the pursuit of wisdom is greatly encouraged throughout the Bible. Here’s a few examples:
Psalm 90:12 “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.”
Psalm 111:10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.”
Proverbs 1:7, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Proverbs 2:6, “For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;”
There are dozens and dozens more.
But here’s the catch. Wisdom isn’t just sprinkled upon us like some sort of fairy dust. We have to acquire wisdom. And we typically do so one of several ways:
- We learn through trial and error.
- We learn from God’s Word.
- We learn through pain.
- We learn from training.
- We learn from the critiques and corrections of others.
Whoa! What was that last one?
That’s right, the Bible tells us over and over again that the correction we receive from friends is of infinite value…provided we’re willing to hear it. Consider, for example, Proverbs 27:6,
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
What?! Most of us read that and probably think, “With friends like that I won’t need enemies!” But consider another “bumper-esk” saying… “The Truth hurts.”
Why?
Why does something as noble and pure and good as “Truth” hurt?
Because it exposes something else—something that needs to be faced, then confronted and finally torn away from our lives altogether—the lie. For every truth, there’s at least one opposing lie. And we tend to grow rather fond of the lies we tell ourselves—so fond in fact that we start thinking of them more or less as ‘truths.’
That’s a bad idea because no matter how much we tell ourselves a lie is the truth—it changes nothing. A lie will always be a lie.
Which brings me to the point of this post.
How do you react when a friend confronts you with a painful truth?
Be honest now.
If you’re anything like me, the powerful temptation is to consider the purveyor of such patently unwelcomed information…not a true friend. After all, aren’t friends supposed to tell you only good stuff? Isn’t there some unwritten rule that friends make you feel all warm and fuzzy and enemies have the role of “Constructive Critic?”
Not when you look at God’s Word. In fact, the opposite seems to be more often the case.
Proverbs 5:1 says, “Dear friend, pay close attention to this, my wisdom; listen very closely to the way I see it. Then you’ll acquire a taste for good sense; what I tell you will keep you out of trouble.”
And…
Proverbs 27:9, “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”
Do we really believe this? If so, then we understand that a friend speaks truth—not just whatever we want to hear. A friend truly cares about what sharpens us—makes us a better person. A friend also appreciates and thanks and encourages.
But just how much appreciation, encouragement and ‘Thank-you’s’ does it take to win the right to speak the painful truth in love?
If we don’t want to grow—aren’t interested in becoming more like Christ—then no amount of the good stuff will ever give our friends the “right” to tell us the “tough stuff” we don’t want to hear. We simply will never have the maturity to receive it. And deep lasting friendships will constantly allude us. Oh, we’ll never lack for surfacey relationships that never really go anywhere and add very little real value to anyone but will always be short on those kinds of friendships that can deepen our own walk, sharpen us and teach us more about Jesus.
If that’s okay with you, keep right on tracking your “friends” appreciations, words of encouragement and “Thank-You’s.” But the moment a word of reproof is offered—move on.
Life’s too short to go deep.