Sometimes ministry is filled with joy.
Sometimes it just plain hurts.
Sometimes you’re a hero.
Sometimes you’re a villain.
Sometimes there are brothers and sisters everywhere you turn.
Sometimes you’re all alone.
The most haunting words in all of scripture to me are the words of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, as He hung upon that cross and cried out to His Father in heaven, “My God, My God! Why have You forsaken Me?!”
Sometimes it feels like that.
Especially in a world that cares little for facts and embraces instead, a good story. America: The land of illusion. I ‘m reminded of this every time I check out at any grocery store. How can the same couples be in bliss and on the verge of divorce the same day?! Which is true and which is the lie?
Maybe I know after all. It’s 4:30 in the morning…again. My soul is troubled and joyful at the same time. I see God moving greatly in the lives of so many at Southbrook Church. The phrase so many are using these days is “a fresh wind.”
I like that.
Yet, at the same time…sheep bite.
How can we love God and hurt others in the same breath? How can we sing praises and utter curses from the same mouth? Why is it we have 20/20 vision regarding the sin in others yet we grope around like blind men in the dark regarding our own? And isn’t it a curious thing that so many of us are heart experts when it comes to the motives of others when scripture plainly tells us we can’t even know our own hearts?
Ready for the deep, theological answer?
“I don’t know.”
A three letter word comes to mind—starts with ‘S and ends with N’
But other then to fall on our faces before a righteous God and trust Him, what can we do in this life? When we feel all alone, what else can we do but share our hearts with God and await a deep, rich dose of His presence. To me, that’s always the best medicine. He makes all things right in His time.
I wish He’d work on my timetable instead.
I’m just saying.
Scripture for me at 4:58 am…
“1 Declare me innocent, O Lord,
for I have acted with integrity;
I have trusted in the Lord without wavering.
2 Put me on trial, Lord, and cross-examine me.
Test my motives and my heart.
3 For I am always aware of your unfailing love,
and I have lived according to your truth.
4 I do not spend time with liars
or go along with hypocrites.
5 I hate the gatherings of those who do evil,
and I refuse to join in with the wicked.
6 I wash my hands to declare my innocence.
I come to your altar, O Lord,
7 singing a song of thanksgiving
and telling of all your wonders.
8 I love your sanctuary, Lord,
the place where your glorious presence dwells.” Psalm 26:1–8
Only 8 verses yet the Pslamist’s pain from rejection and slander is so real you can almost touch it. Yet, as heavy and burdensome as His questions seem, He manages to get it all out by verse 6 declaring, essentially, “Let’m do what they do. As for me, I will return to that which I know—the Lord’s house, His love, His truth, His glory, His righteousness and His timing.”
“Where else are we gonna go? He alone has words of eternal life.”
I’m glad we are going through the gospel of John in this season of life at Southbrook. I’m seeing truths I’ve never seen before. For example, It’s so easy to think of Jesus—the most popular figure in all of history—as never being alone, never feeling forsaken, never at a loss for friends.
What a joke! Where do we get these ideas? Jesus was rejected all the time. Friends deserted Him like He was a divine revolving door! Story after story after story finds Him standing alone after some truth He uttered offends one group or another. Yet He never wavered—never got off mission.
“Teach me, Lord! I’m so slow to learn! So thick headed at times! How can I teach others if I can’t learn myself? Please be patient with me, oh Lord. I am a work in progress. Aren’t we all?
That’s it?
That’s it.
No further communication for tonight. I just got the all clear to go back to sleep. But one thing has changed.
I feel a little better.